Sub in the City

A Guide to Sensual Dominance

A Guide to Sensual Dominance

5 Ways to be more Dominant without being sadistic

When most people think of Dom and Sub relationships they think, of pain, obedience, and total submission. Whilst this certainly can be the case for some people it’s more likely that the form of dominance that suits you will be somewhere along a sliding scale. One form of dominance that is gaining attention is the art of Sensual Dominance.

Sensual dominance is a form of BDSM where a dominant partner takes control over a submissive partner, but it doesn’t always have to involve pain, humiliation, degradation, or other intense forms of BDSM play. Instead, it’s about the energy a dominant brings to the power exchange and the caregiving side of the dominant. A dominant can be interested in giving pleasure and empowering their submissive partner, rather than just receiving it and this can lead to some much more fulfilling sessions for both parties. Sensual dominance is well suited for those new to the dom/sub dynamic and is a great way to introduce your partner if they have any pre-conceptions about BDSM.

Below I have listed 5 ways you can introduce some sensual dominance into your relationships, and to learn more be sure to sign up for our live event ‘Cocktails & Kink: A Conscious Kink Journey‘.

SITC Top 5

Here are five ways you can be more dominant without having to inflict pain:

The art of command:

One of the most powerful tools a dominant has is their voice. The way a dominant speaks, the tone, and the context can drive a submissive partner wild. A commanding tone can help set the mood and create a sense of urgency or intensity that can make a submissive feel more submissive. Play with this technique by dimming the lights, blindfolding your partner, letting them wait, and then issuing commands in a slow, conscious, and deliberate manner.

Sensual touch:

Dominants can use teasing, edging, and massages as part of their play or aftercare routine. Sensual touch can be a great way to create a more intimate connection with your submissive partner while still maintaining control. Edging can be a great way to prolong the play session and get your sub closer to that ‘sub-space’. Try binding their hands and running the remainder of the rope back to you, a few meters back. Allow them to follow your commands, until you pull on the rope; repeat and you’re reinforcing your dominance while allowing the sub to enjoy the play without pain.

Giving praise:

Dominants can provide feedback and verbal affirmation to their submissive partners before, during, and after play. Praise can be an incredibly sexy way to encourage and motivate your submissive partner. For example, saying “Good job, you’re being such a good little sub for me” or “I love the way you respond to my touch” can be incredibly powerful. Try setting your sub small tasks to complete, these can be sexual or non-sexual, and rewarding them with praise after each task is completed. Soon you’ll be working up to them craving that praise; all the power, without the pain.


Role-playing can be a fun way to explore dominance without resorting to physical pain. For example, a dominant could play the role of a strict teacher or a bossy boss, and the submissive partner could be the obedient student or employee. Play with scenarios that would involve a dominant and submissive role in everyday situations, sometimes awkward at first but roll with it and you’ll soon find yourselves immersed in the roles. For extra fun on this one, try meeting up in a new place, arriving separately, and stepping into the roles as soon as you meet.

Sensory play:

Sensory play involves using different sensations to create intense experiences for your submissive partner. This can include things like using ice, feathers, or hot wax to create sensations on the skin. While some forms of sensory play can be painful, others can be purely sensual and erotic. These types of experiences require a little planning but the rewards can be massive, set yourselves up for an evening of slow, sensual teasing and gentle blindfolded interactions that will have your sub anticipating what comes next.

In summary, dominance doesn’t always have to involve pain, humiliation, or degradation. Sensual dominance is about the energy a dominant partner brings to the power exchange and the caregiving side of dominance. By using the art of command, sensual touch, giving praise, role-playing, and sensory play, you can be more dominant without resorting to physical pain. Remember, the dominant’s role is not just to take but to empower and build up their submissive partner so that everyone enjoys the experience of power exchange.

Would you like to further explore the sensual side of BDSM? Join Sarah in London on 29th June for Cocktails & Kink: A Conscious Kink Journey – a workshop and social event that will have you tapping into all the erotic senses to consciously explore your kinky desires.Patreon subscribers get exclusive priority access and discount tickets on in-person events.