The best and worst of Kinky TV

Rated & Slated: BDSM Movies & Shows

A round up of some of the best and worst kinky TV

When it comes to representations of BDSM in the media, kink dynamics often get a bad rep. Portrayals of BDSM within mainstream media can often be shamed, made into a joke or misrepresented. Hollywood often shows us a narrow and unimaginative representation of BDSM and doesn’t attempt to challenge its stereotypes or preconceptions. Don’t worry though – there’s a huge amount of kinky TV shows and films to enjoy that represent BDSM in a better and more honest light.

If you’d like to know what you should watch and what’s best to avoid, we’ll be rating kinky films and TV series based on how entertaining they are, how well they represent BDSM, how informative they are, and whether they highlight the important bits of BDSM such as safety and consent.

WARNING: This post may contain some spoilers.

Love and Leashes (2022) – 5/5

Love and Leashes is exactly the kind of film I’d recommend for someone who wants something entertaining yet informative. This K-drama romcom explores the intersections of BDSM, romance and the workplace. After a kinky secret is revealed between colleagues Ji-woo and Ji-hoo, they begin a consensual and contractual BDSM power dynamic. The characters are forced to confront their shame, romantic desires, and repercussions from others, but this ultimately strengthens their relationship.

Pros: The first thing I noticed about this film was how well it portrayed different stages of kink: both partners communicate openly, negotiate their desires, and go through a contract together before starting their power dynamic. They both value consent, have an agreed safeword, and the Dom, Ji-woo provides thorough aftercare for her Sub. Love and Leashes is hilarious, sexy, relatable and informative all at the same time, and it’s clear that the partners in this film have a healthy dynamic. I also appreciated the fact that these characters found support and advice from online BDSM forums and communities – many people use them, but there’s hardly any representation of them in the media.

Cons: Though I can’t find many things to criticise about Love and Leashes, doing kink in the workplace isn’t advisable, but then again not everything in this film is supposed to be taken seriously!

Bonding (2018-2021) Season 1 – 3/5, Season 2 – 4/5

Bonding, which is a Netflix original series, follows professional Dom Tiff (aka Mistress May), and her childhood best friend Pete (aka Carter) whilst they balance their careers, relationships and personal emotional journeys. Tiff initially recruits Pete to be her dungeon assistant in a moment of mutual desperation, but Pete begins to realise that he can translate his unusual BDSM experiences into stand-up comedy. Because seasons 1 and 2 of Bonding are so different, I’ve rated these separately to give a fair review.

Pros: A lot of film and TV about BDSM can feel overly serious or tense, which is why it’s refreshing to watch something comedic and less intimidating. The show destigmatises pro-Domming and sex work, and addresses many of the problems people in this profession can face, including discrimination, stigma and occasional dangerous experiences. Bonding also confronts the parts of BDSM people are often too afraid to talk about, which normalises masturbation (especially female masturbation), clumsy sex, sexual dysfunction and ‘weird’  fetishes. The improvement in Tiff’s professionalism and awareness of consent and safety from Season 1 to Season 2 is enormous, and demonstrates two things: it’s normal to mess up sometimes, but it’s possible to learn and change. 

Cons: As much as I enjoyed watching this series, to me Tiff feels seems to fulfil the typical ‘I’m not like the other girls’ archetype in the way that she communicates within her relationships, and from the way she views herself. As well as this, in Season 1, Tiff’s approach towards consent and ethics in BDSM feels shaky and unprofessional, which a lot of audiences within BDSM communities also complained about. However, Tiff seems to be redeemed in Season 2 when her mentor, Mistress Mira, calls her out and teaches her how to practice humility before she is allowed to work again. I also found that a lot of Season 1 focused on making jokes out of Tiff and Carter’s clients’ fetishes, but Season 2 corrects this by presenting the clients’ personalities more deeply and exploring how and why kink can benefit individual people.  

Secretary (2002) – 2/5

This film is based around a young woman, Lee, who is discharged from a psychiatric hospital after a long period of struggling with self-harm. She lands a job as secretary to Edward Grey, a lawyer with an irritable disposition, who begins to punish Lee for her spelling errors. This professional relationship quickly grows into a BDSM Dom/Sub dynamic, but takes a turn for the worst when Lee’s infatuation for Edward spirals into obsession. Though I found this film enjoyable to watch, there’s a lot of issues beneath its surface that should be looked at more closely.

Pros: The obvious pro of this film is that it’s undeniably sexy – it includes some great aspects of impact play and power play, and the tension between Edward and Lee is made clear from the start. Secretary also shows that BDSM doesn’t have to be all about sex; their Dom/Sub relationship entails Lee’s discipline, appearance, diet and wellbeing. These things, for a while, seem to improve Lee’s physical and mental health, but these improvements are short lived. 

Cons: I had high hopes for this film, but found myself disappointed at just how badly it represented BDSM. For starters, there’s absolutely no mention of consent, no negotiation, no contract or agreement (other than their professional agreement), and no sort of aftercare. It feels as though both characters unhealthily use BDSM as an escape for their own problems, such as Lee’s issues with self-harm and attachment, and Edward Grey’s control and anger issues. The film gives the impression that kink is a replacement for self-harm, or that kink can be a convenient method of controlling someone’s life, which are both dangerous misconceptions.

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) (and their sequels: Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed) – 1/5

Based on the book series, Fifty Shades of Grey looks at protagonist Ana’s story as a Submissive within a contractual power play dynamic. Ana, an English major, first meets billionaire CEO Christian Grey whilst interviewing for her college newspaper, and a short time later they begin a BDSM relationship. Christian’s behaviour becomes increasingly controlling and Ana becomes uncomfortable with their dynamic, leading to their breakup.

In the following film, Fifty Shades Darker, Ana and Christian reconnect – this time without any rules or punishments. Ana learns of Christian’s dark past and his ex-lovers attempt to scare her into leaving him, but this doesn’t stop her. Fifty Shades Freed, which received the most criticism, doesn’t show much kink and mainly revolves around Ana’s vengeful ex-boss’ failed attempt to hurt the couple and her unborn child. Unfortunately, despite its popularity, the Fifty Shades trilogy isn’t a great representation of BDSM because it romanticises unsafe practices and unhealthy relationships. 

Pros: Though I’m not a fan of this film (and neither is most of the BDSM community!), we can thank it for bringing kink into the mainstream, which has made it more accessible. It has a complex and immersive storyline, and plays into the common fantasy of being completely sexually overpowered. This film series, and the books that they were based on, have helped many people explore their kinkier side and feel more open about their sexuality. 

Cons: I can see a lot of similarities between Fifty Shades of Grey and Secretary, but not for the right reasons. The film doesn’t seem to acknowledge consent at all, and Ana’s boundaries are continuously ignored by Christian Grey, who uses money and power to get his own way. At the point where the two start seeing each other, Ana has no experience of BDSM or sex, yet she’s expected to sign a BDSM contract and a non-disclosure agreement straight away. Though he is romanticised and sympathised with throughout the entire film series, Christian’s ‘protectiveness’ is really just stalking, and his ‘assertiveness’ is more like abuse. There’s nothing particularly creative or unique about their BDSM scenes either – they feel predictable and sometimes overly choreographed. Unlike Bonding, the sequels to Fifty Shades of Grey made no attempt to improve their portrayal of kink, and it’s likely they’re even worse than the original film. 

Let me know what you think of the kinky films and TV series on this list, as well as any others you’ve come across!