Sub in the City

What is Cuckholding?

The term ‘cuckolding’ has become a top adult hit on searches recently (with the UK and Netherlands topping the list) so this week I look a little closer at what it is that makes people want to watch (or hear about) their partner having sex with another person without getting involved.

What is Cuckolding?

Cuckolding is a sexual and emotional fetish or kink where an individual (referred to as the cuckold) derives pleasure from their partner (referred to as the hotwife or cuck-queen) engaging in sexual activities with someone else, usually a more dominant partner (referred to as the bull). The cuckold may or may not be present during the sexual encounters.

Cuckolding typically involves elements of voyeurism, exhibitionism, and humiliation. The cuckold often experiences arousal, sexual satisfaction, or emotional fulfillment by witnessing or imagining their partner being sexually involved with someone else. The act of being “cuckolded” can vary in terms of the extent of involvement, which can range from simply hearing about the encounters to actively participating or being present during sexual activities.

Why do people enjoy cuckholding?

There are a few theories on why cuckolding is pleasurable, some believe that the jealously provoked in the act can be erotic for the viewer, and the powerless nature of their role appeals to those with a humiliation kink. Other theories out there involve the feeling of Compersion, something that Poly couples are often in touch with, which involves the viewer’s real and genuine pleasure felt at watching their partner enjoy themselves even when that enjoyment is not physically felt by the cuckold.

Recent research discussed on CNN by David Ley has found that far from being unhealthy for a relationship or showing a disregard for one’s partner a cuckold fantasy tends to be a positive fantasy and behavior for consensual and happy couples.

People who enjoy cuckolding can have diverse motivations and reasons for finding pleasure in this fetish. Here are some other reasons why individuals may enjoy cuckolding:

1. Psychological and emotional dynamics:

Cuckolding can involve elements of power dynamics, humiliation, and submission. Some individuals find pleasure in experiencing or witnessing their partner engaging in sexual activities with someone else, which can evoke intense emotions, such as jealousy, arousal, or a sense of being submissive. This interplay of emotions and power dynamics can be a turn-on for those involved.

2. Taboo and forbidden fantasies:

Cuckolding often involves breaking societal norms and exploring taboo desires. The forbidden nature of the fetish can add an element of excitement and thrill, allowing individuals to explore fantasies that may be considered unconventional or outside societal expectations.

3. Compersion and emotional connection:

Compersion is a term used to describe the experience of deriving pleasure from seeing one’s partner experiencing pleasure. Some individuals in cuckolding relationships may derive satisfaction and emotional fulfillment from their partner’s sexual enjoyment with someone else. This can stem from a deep emotional connection, a desire for their partner’s happiness, or the satisfaction of fulfilling their partner’s desires.

4. Eroticizing jealousy and insecurity:

For some individuals, cuckolding can provide an avenue to eroticize and explore feelings of jealousy or insecurity within a controlled and consensual environment. By embracing and channeling these emotions in a sexual context, they can find a heightened sense of arousal and satisfaction.

5. Roleplay and sexual variety:

Cuckolding can introduce a level of sexual variety and roleplay into a relationship. It allows participants to explore different roles and scenarios, providing a sense of novelty and excitement in their sexual experiences.

How to cuckold successfully?

Cuckolding could be viewed as the ultimate test of a relationship and clearly, jealousy could be a deal breaker for this sort of activity. In order to test out whether this sort of play might add to your relationship you should start with an open discussion on any feelings of jealously, why you are both interested in cuckolding, and what you want from it.

Test the waters by discussing sexual experiences from previous relationships and seeing if you are comfortable hearing the details. If that works for both of you and adds to the erotic energy then the next step would be to try out how you react to your partner flirting or interacting with another person. This could be at a swingers club or at a sex party or even just on a vanilla night out. If seeing your partner kissing another person turns you on then you can start to look for your ‘bull’.

Make sure you vet your potentials and meet up with them first in a neutral and safe location to see if there’s that spark. Sex parties or clubs are great for this as you can have a chat before committing to anything and then, all being well, you can move to a playroom for your experience.

It’s important to emphasize that cuckolding, like any other sexual preference or kink, is consensual and should be practiced with clear communication, trust, and respect for all parties involved. The motivations and enjoyment derived from cuckolding can vary significantly among individuals, and it’s essential to have open and honest discussions to establish boundaries and ensure the emotional well-being of everyone participating. Any jealous feelings should be discussed afterward openly and seeing them as an emotion you are feeling rather than an emotion caused by the other person will go a long way to help you accept and move on.

To learn more about your kink desires, take a look at the full list of upcoming workshops on a variety of different topics.

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