What is Sub Space in BDSM?
Sub space is a term often discussed in BDSM circles but can seem like a mythical state. It describes an altered, trance-like state that submissives might experience during an intense scene. Some compare it to a runner’s high, meditation, or even an out-of-body experience, where the submissive feels “floaty” or deeply relaxed. This experience enables full surrender to a Dominant, dissolving the usual barriers like ego and pain thresholds. While it sounds enticing, it is important to note that sub space is not a measure of a submissive’s or Dominant’s skills; it’s not a goal to chase but a personal experience that happens naturally when conditions are right.
Sub space is unique for each individual, and its elusive nature adds to its intrigue. It may bring about heightened arousal, lowered pain thresholds, and feelings of vulnerability, but it should never be forced or expected.
The Science and Risks of Sub Space
Physiologically, sub space is a result of the body’s sympathetic nervous system kicking in, releasing chemicals like epinephrine and endorphins. These chemicals create a euphoric feeling and lower pain receptors, which can allow submissives to push their boundaries. However, like any “high,” sub space comes with risks. One major risk is dissociation, a psychological defense mechanism triggered by trauma or stress that shuts down certain sensations to protect the body. The line between sub space and dissociation is thin, and it’s important that submissives have a safe space and trusted Dominant when exploring this altered state.
Dissociation differs from sub space in that it’s often involuntary and can leave the submissive feeling detached or unsafe. Sub space, on the other hand, is ideally entered intentionally, with a strong foundation of trust, communication, and boundaries between the submissive and the Dominant.
Building Safety and Trust in Sub Space
Sub space requires an environment of trust and safety. Submissives cannot fully surrender if they don’t trust their Dominant, communicate openly, or feel their boundaries are respected. In this sense, the BDSM relationship is unique—sub space is not something that happens accidentally; it’s a shared journey into vulnerability. This means that both parties must be aligned, not only on their kinks but also on their emotional and psychological boundaries.
Dominants play a key role in guiding submissives into and out of sub space safely. They must be vigilant, paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues. It’s essential for Dominants to assess the submissive’s state and avoid pushing past agreed-upon limits. Communication before, during, and after the scene—along with the use of safewords—helps maintain safety. In cases where the submissive might start to dissociate or feel uncomfortable, the Dominant should have an action plan in place to bring them back to a grounded state.
How to Approach Sub Space Intentionally
Approaching sub space with clear intention is crucial for both the Dominant and submissive. Intention helps frame the scene as a co-creation, where each party communicates limits, desires, and safety needs. A mindful, slow approach allows for trust and surrender to build naturally. Rushing or setting expectations can create stress, blocking the very experience one seeks.
Sub space is not about chasing an altered state. Some submissives might never feel the trance-like qualities associated with it and may instead feel grounded, present, and safe with their Dominant. It’s important to honor your unique experiences without measuring yourself against others. Journaling before and after scenes can help submissives reflect on what they felt, what made them feel safe, or what might be holding them back from surrendering fully. Sharing these insights with a Dominant can lead to deeper mutual understanding and stronger dynamics.
Affirmations, pre-scene rituals, and setting a clear intention before engaging in BDSM activities are all tools that can help submissives ease into a space of surrender. But remember, sub space is not the ultimate goal—connection, presence, and mutual trust are. Even without reaching sub space, a scene can still be satisfying and fulfilling for both the submissive and the Dominant.