A Guide to Pet Play

Pet play is a type of roleplay in BDSM based on enacting the traits or behaviour of an animal, specifically a domesticated one. Though this sounds pretty taboo, we actually see people do things associated with pet play without even realising. For example, at Halloween we often see people dressed up as sexy animals with ears and tails, and it’s not unusual to see people calling their partners ‘kitten’. Pet play takes this idea further by incorporating animal roleplay into power play dynamics. 

So, what attracts people to pet play? For some, playing a non-human role distracts and separates them from their daily lives and the responsibilities, monotony or stress that comes with it. Pet players may also enjoy the concept of learning discipline and routine in alternative ways, rather than enforcing it themselves. In the bedroom, sexual pet play can give more excitement and direction to a Dom/Sub dynamic. Many people enjoy the idea of ownership, so the idea of being a Dominant’s pet (or owning a Submissive as a pet) gets them off. Ultimately though, like most kinks, everyone has their own personal and unique reason for why they practice pet play.

What is pet space?

Some pet players might experience a phenomenon called pet space. It works in a similar way to subspace or little space, but in this case a person’s mindset and behaviour will shift to something more pet-like. Pet space can be brought on intentionally, whether that’s independently or through the actions of a partner, or it could just be triggered by someone’s environment or headspace. Pet players will often release their inhibitions in pet space, feeling safer and more comfortable, and their behaviour can reflect the personality of the pet they play as. 

Common misconceptions about Pet Play

Pet play carries a lot of misconceptions and stigma, which can make it seem quite daunting for those just starting out. The first myth is that people within a pet play dynamic truly believe they’re animals – pet play is to do with behaving and being treated as someone’s pet, not pretending they’re a real animal. Similarly, though there can be an overlap within their communities, pet play isn’t the same thing as primal play, and there’s a large distinction between pet players and furries. It’s also important to know that roles within pet play aren’t restricted to gender, age or a person’s presentation, and a pet play dynamic can be as casual or intense as a person feels comfortable with. 

Different Pet Play Dynamics

• Pet: In a power play dynamic, pets often take on a Submissive role, but it’s possible to get Dominant pets too. Some pet players live a 24/7 lifestyle or have a total power exchange relationship with their owner or handler, meaning they live as their pet persona full time. In most cases though, pet play can be a hobby or occasional kink that supplements an existing Dom/Sub relationship.
• Owner/handler: Owners and handlers are generally the caretakers of pet players. They can be responsible for looking after their pet and guiding them into and through pet space. Owners can take on the role of anything from a gentle non-sexual caregiver to a sexual or a sadistic Dominant, all depending on the type of dynamic a couple has agreed on.
• Trainer/tamer: Though Owners can often take on the role of trainer or tamer, they can be separate roles in their own right. In pet roleplay, trainers teach pets commands, positions and tricks, whilst tamers can help to domesticate more feral or badly-behaved pets. 

The different pets a person might play

• Dog or puppy/pup: Canine pet players are often energetic, playful and loyal. If domesticated, they can be obedient, but some pups can act more primal and aggressive, especially if they haven’t been tamed. Outfits and gear can depend on the type of canine played and whether their energy is masculine or feminine, but hoods, collars, leads, paw gloves, muzzles and harnesses are all popular within puppy play. 
• Cat or kitten: Feline roles within pet play often have a more feminine energy than canine pet play, though this doesn’t mean that all cat and kitten pet players are female. Depending on their individual personalities, these pets can either be obedient and affectionate, or bratty and reactive – there’s a lot of variation within this role, and lots of opportunity to curate a distinctive personality. Feline pet players often wear cat ears, paw gloves, tails, and have bells on their collars.

(less common..)

• Pony: Pony play, though often never represented in discussions about pet play, has a surprisingly large community. They’re usually associated with travel, such as carrying a cart or being ridden, or could be ‘show ponies’, who participate in exhibitionist dressage events or competitions. 
• Fox: Fox play includes traits from puppy play and kitten play, making it very adaptable and less gendered than other roles. Foxes are more unpredictable as pets, so they’re more likely to be switches or need more intense taming and training.
• Bunny: Bunnies are similar pets to kittens in terms of their affectionate personalities, but might wear different gear, such as a round bunny tail and long bunny ears. 
• Farm animals: Farm animals, such as pigs, horses and cows can also be popular amongst pet players. Pigs are more common in degradation scenes, and cows are popular amongst those with hucow or milking fetishes. Horses differ to ponies because they’re less domesticated, and can therefore be more in need of training and grooming. 

How to start on your pet play journey

If you’re a pet, or you think you might be, figure out what style of dynamic works best for you and begin to build your pet play persona. Are you a sexual or non-sexual pet player? What type of pet do you play? Why are you drawn to this type of dynamic? How does your pet personality and behaviour differ to your vanilla self? If you have a partner, it’s a good idea to start a dialogue with them to see if it’s something they’d be into. Work out the aspects of pet play you love, and lean into those.

If you’re a Dom, being the Owner of a pet player might be a role you can comfortably adapt into. Ask yourself why the idea of having a pet is appealing to you, and discuss your thoughts with your partner. You can also have a conversation with your partner about what you’d both like from a pet play dynamic to ensure you’re both benefitting from it.

Getting involved with online communities and in-person pet play events, such as socials and kink parties, is a great way to connect with like-minded people in the kink scene, as well as potential play partners. 

If you meet someone you’re interested in starting a dynamic with, don’t forget to check out ‘How to Vet a Dominant’ for tips on vetting potential play partners!

Top Tips to Establish the Basics of Pet Play

• Outfit: Though a lot of pet play is about mindset rather than aesthetics, wearing gear and special outfits can sometimes enhance pet space. Wear things that reflect the type of pet you are, and the vibe of the situation. For example, if it’s a non-sexual pet play session, you might want to wear comfy clothes but accessorise with collars and ears. If you’re planning an intense sexual pet play scene, you could find specialised bodysuits and pair it with practical gear such as harnesses and leads.

• Training: The training process can be rewarding for both pet players and their handlers because it deepens pet space and teaches pets about obedience. Choose training that would be most suitable for the pet player – for example, position and command training might be priorities for a pup, but might not be important for kittens or bunnies.

• Rewards and punishments: Reinforcement can be tailored to the type of pet someone is, as well as what a pet player personally responds best to. Examples of rewards could be edible treats, enrichment time outside, or being given a new toy. On top of typical kinky punishments, pet play punishments could look like spraying a pet with water, muzzling them or locking them in a (literal or chastity) cage for a period of time. 

• Toys and bondage: There’s lots of companies that specialise in toys and gear made for pet play, where you can find bone shaped mouth gags, butt plugs with tail attachments, headgear and collars. It’s also possible to find human-sized cages and dog/cat beds, which are good for full time or long term pet play dynamics.

• In normal life: If you’re looking to explore pet play outside of scenes as well, there are little lifestyle changes you can make to affirm a pet play dynamic. Instead of talking, communicate with animal noises or physical actions. Find food that resembles what a pet might eat, such as crunchy cereal if you’re a puppy, leafy greens for a bunny, or milk for a kitten, and eat this out of a pet food bowl. Walking on all fours and sleeping in a new position might also help to get into pet space, but remember to put your physical wellbeing first. 

There’s so much to learn about pet play, and there’s so much that pet play can teach you – especially about discipline, control and exploring the different dimensions of your personality. Remember that there are no rules or rigidity in pet play, and a lot of aspects of it are adaptable to suit your own style and preferences, so it’s best to experiment and explore what makes you feel good.