Sub in the City

Bondage for beginners

Bondage for beginners: An introduction to physical and psychological bondage play

Bondage is one of the most common forms of power play and can be used as part of a BDSM scene, or in any sexual interaction on its own without any other kinks in play. Tying up or restraining your partner is a great way to play around with your sexual dynamics to see what works for you, so if you’ve thought you might enjoy being dominant or submissive, why not suggest you play around with a few restraints in the bedroom next time?

There are many different ways you can introduce bondage in the bedroom, and this blog is all about bondage for beginners. How can you get started and what are the key things to remember during play? There are far too many movies about kinky sex gone wrong, many of which involve handcuffs and a lost key, so I’ll be giving you some tips and tricks to try if you’re a total beginner and want to try out bondage for the first time.

Make it comfortable

Bondage isn’t reserved just for masochists, and if you’re trying out restraints for the first time, the last thing you want is for it to feel so uncomfortable that you don’t enjoy everything else. Bondage is a great starting point for power play, as being physically restrained can put you in the mindset of surrendering to your partner. But if you’re tied up super tight, or the material is rubbing your skin in a way that doesn’t feel good for you, then it’s going to kill the mood.

My suggestion, even for those wanting to explore their masochistic desires, is to start with something soft and comfortable. There are many different restraints that are great bondage for beginners. You can opt for super soft rope, silk ties or fur-lined cuffs, as these will still do the job at restricting your movement, but won’t mark or irritate the skin. Once you have gotten used to the feeling of being restrained and have figured out what level of restriction is comfortable for you, then you can play around with different textures and materials.

Always have an easy escape

Of course, the whole point of restraining your partner is so that they can’t move, but as with everything in role-play, safety needs to be considered. You should always use a safe word to indicate when you want something to stop, and this safe word means that play is to cease immediately. I am sure you would trust your partner to untie you immediately when you give them the signal, but with bondage, this can be tricky if you’re bound up in multiple places and tied up tightly. This could mean coming out of that position takes longer than a few seconds.

When exploring bondage for the first time, don’t go too hard too soon. There’s plenty of bondage for beginners’ positions and restraints you can try. Start by tying just the wrists or just the ankles, rather than all of them together. Choosing Velcro cuffs and restraints do the job nicely but make for quick and easy release. Should your partner feel triggered by anything at any point and want to stop play, you are able to do so immediately without any struggle. Once you feel comfortable, move on to trying different positions and methods of restraining, but remember to always have a quick method for release.

Never leave your partner unattended

The fantasy of leaving someone tied up and at your mercy is a great one, but it’s important to always remember that fantasy is exactly that…fantasy. You should never leave your partner unattended while restrained for more than a few minutes at a time, and if you do want to do this, then you need to ensure they are completely safe, comfortable, and supported before you do. Saying that I don’t recommend going out to the shops or leaving them entirely unattended in the building.

There are different ways of restraining someone. You may choose to restrain them to something, such as the headboard, a door, a St Andrew’s cross, or a chair. Or, you may choose to restrain someone independently, such as hands behind their back, wrists to ankles, or in a hogtie position, for example.

The latter form of bondage is one that requires the person restraining the other to be very aware of their partner’s stability. When restrained in a difficult position, this could cause them to lose balance or fall, which could result in injury when they don’t have their hands to protect them (speaking from personal experience here, you do not want to go into work with a black eye and a bust lip because your partner didn’t spot you well enough).

When starting out with different bondage positions, ask your partner if they would like a pillow for support. Think of it just like using yoga blocks, not all of us are super flexible, so being restrained in one position for prolonged periods of time can become painful (and not in a good way), and you don’t want to cause serious injury to any muscles in the body.

Bondage starts in the mind

If the thought of physical bondage still sounds a little too intimidating for you, then I invite you to consider playing around with psychological bondage. By this, I mean using no physical restraints but instead asking your partner to practice their own restraint by keeping themselves in a particular position for as long as you tell them to. For example, you may wish to tell your partner to place their hands behind their back and not move them, if they do, then they will be punished.

You may wish to tell your partner to stand, kneel, or lie in a certain position, without moving, flinching, or wriggling. This is not only a great way to ease you both into the idea of bondage and the different positions and feelings involved, but also a great way to practice dominance and discipline if that’s something you’re into.

Give these bondage for beginners’ tips a try and let me know how you get on, and if you’d like to learn more about incorporating restraints in the bedroom, then check out my workshop Feel the Impact: Spanking and the Senses, and get in touch for more information on booking a session. You can also get in touch via Instagram.