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Long-distance BDSM: tips for keeping the kink alive

Long-distance BDSM: tips for keeping the kink alive

We’re living in strange times at the moment, and with social distancing now mandatory for everyone, you may all of a sudden have found yourself in a long-distance BDSM relationship if you’re having to self-isolate or you don’t live with your partner.

Needless to say, this can be extremely difficult in any relationship, but when it comes to long-distance BDSM, just how does one assert their dominance? Whether you’re new play partners or you’ve known each other for a while, now is the perfect time to build on your connection with your submissive or your Dominant, and really get to understand their kinks.

While long-distance BDSM can be tricky, there are plenty of ways you can keep your sub on their toes during quarantine. These tips aren’t just for during this lockdown, either. If you’re in a long-distance BDSM relationship, then these are just a few things you can do to keep the kink alive.

Safety/Aftercare

With long-distance BDSM, it is really important you communicate effectively with one another. Please ensure that limits, boundaries and safe words are still agreed in advance and that you check in with each other regularly to ensure you’re both enjoying it. Lockdown can have some negative impacts on our mental health so be sure everything you do is safe, sane and consensual since you’re not there to personally care for your sub.

Aftercare should still be carried out in long-distance BDSM play, whether this is checking in with your sub, having some wind-down time with a chat on FaceTime or over the phone. You could order your sub to run a nice bubble bath and set aside some chill time with their favourite book/Netflix show. Remember it’s all about balance.

Daily tasks/Rituals

One of the best ways to keep up the Dom/sub dynamic is to, where possible, keep any of the rules and rituals you already had in place. You may need to adjust these or come up with new ones to suit your long-distance BDSM arrangement, but these are a great way for your partner to continue submitting to you from afar. Some examples include still addressing you as Sir/Miss via text, sending photos of lingerie and toy choices for you to pick, requesting permission to play, requesting permission to cum, setting aside a set time of the day/week for you both to video call.

Edging

Just because you’re not present doesn’t mean you can’t control their orgasms from afar. Edging is the perfect way to keep your long-distance submissive horny and wanting you throughout this lockdown. As mentioned above, you can be in charge of when, how and what they use to masturbate, and, most importantly, if and when they get to cum.  You may want to set edging challenges and deny your partner on some days if they’ve misbehaved. However, we don’t know how long this lockdown will go on for, so make sure you give them a happy ending at some point (unless you’re a complete sadist).

Self-Flagellation

Punishments can still be dealt in long-distance BDSM, so this isn’t an excuse for submissives to start acting up! (unless you’re a brat!). Self-flagellation is ideal for masochists who want their spanking fix, but this can be tricky if you’ve not tried it before, so start off practicing with your hand or something light like a flogger. Dominants, you can watch via video call or dictate the number of spanks to be dealt over the phone and make your submissive count them. Sending photos of the marks/bruises afterwards is also super-hot and a great little reminder for your Dominant of your submission.

Dirty Talk

I always say that anticipation is what makes up 80% of the fun in BDSM and long-distance BDSM relationships rely on you to use your words to communicate even more so. This doesn’t have to be as awkward as it sounds, and while many of you may think you don’t have what it takes to talk dirty, I assure you, you do. The trick is to keep it simple. Tell them where you want them to kiss you, and how it makes you feel. Tell them what you plan to do to them when you see them next. Talking dirty is a great way to get their mind racing, so pick up the phone or send a naughty text. You may even like to write down a scene or fantasy you have and send it to your partner.

Sexy Selfies

Sexting gets a bad rep, but we’re not talking about unsolicited dick pics here (Guys, we really don’t want a picture of your penis next to an inanimate phallic object for size reference, put the Sky remote down please). A sexy selfie doesn’t have to be full-frontal or an isolated picture of your genitals, it could be you in a suit and tie, or bare-faced in an over-sized T-shirt. Sexy is subjective, and this is also a fun way to get creative in your long-distance BDSM relationship and build up that anticipation without laying all your kinky cards on the table at once. If you’re still getting to know someone, please make sure you feel comfortable and trust the person you are sending the pictures to, and you don’t have to include your face if you don’t want to!

So those are my top tips for keeping the kink alive in long-distance BDSM relationships. Remember to stay home, stay safe, and stay sexy!

If you’d like to find out more about BDSM, improve your knowledge or skills, or introduce a partner to BDSM, then keep an eye out for my online workshops.

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