Sub in the City

BDSM punishments: tips, tricks and ideas for punishing your sub

BDSM Punishments: Tips, tricks and ideas for punishing your sub

BDSM Punishments are an important part of a Dom/sub dynamic, they are an effective way to whip your submissive into shape (sometimes quite literally) when they’re not following the rules, and a delicious way to assert your authority and develop the dynamic between Dom and Sub.

Whether you’re a new Dom looking to deepen your knowledge, or you simply need a bit of inspiration, I’ve put together this short guide to BDSM punishments, including my top tips and a few ideas to help inspire you to discipline your sub the right way.

1. Know why you’re punishing your sub

There are many reasons you might wish to punish your sub, and it’s important to understand the reasons why you’re doing it, and for your sub to understand the reasons why you’re doing it too. Having a clear understanding in your head will make training your submissive much easier and more effective, as well as make them more receptive to your dominance.

Here are some of the reasons why you may choose to punish your sub:

  • Disobedience, rule-breaking and bad behaviour
  • As part of their submissive training
  • Because you want to

Generally, BDSM punishments are dished out as a way of training a submissive to follow the rules and teaching them a lesson when they have broken those rules or purposefully misbehaved by talking back, for example. However, punishments can be given at any time, without any reason at all other than you feel like it. This is referred to as a funishment, because it’s being done for fun more than anything else.

Depending on how strict a Dom you want to be, you may wish to give your sub warnings, letting them know punishment is on the cards if they misbehave again. Threatening punishment can be a real turn-on for both Dom and sub, and creating that anticipation and fear is a sure-fire way to either make your submissive behave and do everything you ask, get them extremely horny, or both. Either way it’s a win-win.

2. Make sure you get consent

Now Dom’s, you may be thinking “why do I need to gain consent from my submissive to punish them, surely they’re going to say no?”. Remember this is a power exchange, and BDSM punishments are only one element of your D/s dynamic, and just like everything else, they require consent.

A good submissive will know when they’ve done wrong and will be receptive to punishment – within their limits. Of course, a punishment isn’t necessarily meant to be fun for your submissive, but they are not an excuse to push someone over the boundaries of their hard limits.

Make sure any punishment is negotiated beforehand just like you would with anything else. You could even create a list of punishments together and then whenever the submissive misbehaves, you bring out the list and choose the punishment that fits the crime.

3. Don’t punish when you’re angry

The biggest mistake you can make as a Dominant is to punish your submissive when you’re actually angry. Punishments are a part of your BDSM dynamic and should not cross over the line into the rest of your personal life. If either of you are feeling emotional or angry with each other or about something external then make sure any arranged punishments or play are put on hold until you’re feeling yourself again. Bringing external emotion to a scene or play (other than a general need for a release after a long day, for example) is an abuse of power and can have a detrimental effect on you, your submissive and could damage your dynamic/relationship significantly. You both need to be in the right headspace for punishment so always be sure to check in with yourself and your partner to ensure you’re doing it for the right reasons.

4. Make sure the punishment fits the crime

BDSM punishments require you to get creative sometimes. You’ll need to find a punishment that is within your submissive’s limits but still effective in teaching them a lesson. Choosing the right punishment requires you to reflect on your dynamic, the type of sub your partner is and what you want to get out of the punishment.

Below I have broken down punishments into categories to inspire you to

Physical/painful BDSM punishments

Physical and painful punishments are a popular choice for sadists and those who enjoy corporal punishment or anyone who wants to make their submissive really feel the consequences of their actions. These are punishments that push your submissive to explore the sensation of pain and feeling uncomfortable. The thought of pain could be enough to deter your sub from disobedience, but if you’ve got a masochist on your hands, then that’s a different story!

Some ideas for physical/painful punishments could include:

  • Spanking with your weapon of choice and making them count each strike
  • Enduring nipple clamps for a set period of time (for a whole Netflix episode, for example)
  • Wearing a butt plug bigger than they’re used to when doing chores or going out to the shops
  • Waiting or being restrained in an uncomfortable position for a set period of time (add in an anal hook for increased uncomfortableness)
  • Wearing a spider gag/large ball gag

Boring BDSM punishments

Punishments don’t always have to be sexual, in fact, some of the most effective punishments are those that are non-sexual. These punishments are often used in Age Play dynamics such as DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl) relationships. However, they are not limited to these dynamics only, and they can be very effective for putting your partner in their place.

Some ideas for boring punishments:

  • Writing lines such as “I will not disobey my Master/Mistress”
  • Sitting in the corner/on the step
  • Take their phone away
  • Early bed time
  • Washing/ironing your clothes (while naked for some added humiliation)

Denial BDSM punishments

Denial punishments are a great punishment across the board and involve taking something away from your submissive. If you’re a fan of edging and orgasm control then denial punishments can be incredibly fun and they can even be made into games to determine how little or long the punishment will continue for.

Ideas for denial punishments:

  • No orgasms for a certain length of time
  • Edging but no orgasms (using a remote control vibe can be fun for this one)
  • No touching themselves
  • Wearing a chastity device
  • No touching you
  • Limiting eye contact / speech permissions
  • Must ask permission for everything they do.

Humiliation BDSM punishments  

Punishments that humiliate or degrade your submissive are good ones for sadists and masochists alike. These would involve making a spectacle of your sub either in public or private (be sure to check limits on this and agree what is okay for them).

Ideas for humiliation punishments:

  • Writing degrading words on their body (and taking photos if within limits)
  • Making them do chores naked
  • Using them as furniture (such as a footstool)
  • Watersports – peeing on them or making them wet themselves
  • Walking them on a leash in public
  • Making them crawl everywhere (privately or publicly)
  • Not allowing them to sit on the furniture
  • Foot worship

All of these punishments can of course be combined for added discipline and pleasure. For example, if your sub is a masochist and the idea of a spanking punishment actually excites them, then you may want to add in an element of denial to find the balance of enjoyment and frustration for them.

It is down to you to assign a punishment you see fit for the crime, and one that is within the limits and boundaries of your submissive. Have fun with it, get creative, use your imagination, and don’t be afraid to discuss punishments with your submissive every now and then, as you never know, they could have some great ideas you hadn’t thought of.

5. Aftercare

It is so important to make time for aftercare, so make sure you only decide to dish out punishment when you’re available to be present to provide as much aftercare as your sub needs. Denying or rushing through aftercare, especially after a punishment will not give your submissive the confidence in you as their care-giver, and it risks them experiencing prolonged subdrop should you neglect the aftercare period.

Subdrop describes what some submissive’s may feel after an intense scene or play. It is largely caused by the change in hormones in the body after sex or play and is totally normal. However, for some, subdrop can be caused by pushing limits too far or by something external and unrelated to the D/s dynamic. Dealing with subdrop requires lots of communication and aftercare to ensure both sub and Dom and happy with their current D/s dynamic.

Aftercare is unique for everyone, so make sure you take the time to find out what kind of aftercare your submissive likes and expects from you and make this time into something for you both to enjoy.

Have you tried any of these BDSM punishments? Or perhaps you use one I’ve not mentioned that you think could be effective for other Doms? Let me know as I’d love to hear!

If you’d like to learn more about BDSM and kink, or you want to explore your desires in-depth, then keep an eye out for my workshops and events, or enquire about my 1-1 sessions.

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